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> And then the fight started...
> _____________________________________________________
>
> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
> anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0
> to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
> I bought her a scale.
>
>
>
> And then the fight started...
> _____________________________________________________
>
> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her
> someplace expensive... so, I took her to ; a gas station.
>
> And then the fight started...
> ____________________________________________________
>
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
> for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for
> my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and
> realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very
> sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt
> revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on
> your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social
> Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
> experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have
> dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
> And then the fight started...
> ________________________________________________________________
>
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
> reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her
> drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know
> her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took
> to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I
> hear she hasn't be e n sober since.'
> 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
> celebrating that long?'
> And then the fight started...
> __________________________________________________________
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason,
> took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,
> please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" Nah, she can
> order for herself."
> And then the fight started...
> _______________________________________________________
> ______
>
> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
> 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
> I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
> The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
> And then the fight started.....
> ____________________________________________________
>
> I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for
> $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
> I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the
> cold cream.
> And then the fight started....
> _______________________________________________________
>
> My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I
> told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
> and then the fight started.....
> __________________________________________________________
>
> A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
> Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from
> outside.
> The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at
> the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'
> So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out
> the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a
> thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
> A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and
> screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled
> back, 'Yeah , then why were you running?'
> And then the fight started.....
> ____________________________________________________________
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
> grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
> boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential
> downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage,
> turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all
> day.
> I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back
> into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
> anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is
> terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my
> stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
> And then the fight started .....
> _______________________________________________________
> I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
> It warmed my hear t to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
> "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
> So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
> And that's when the fight started....
> ________________________________________________________
>
> My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
> we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have
> sex?" "No," she answered.
> I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
> And that's when the fight started
_________________
What's in your wallet?
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