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YOU ARE A REAL JEEPER IF....
1. A new dent in the sheet metal actually fixed another dent, or it just added some character.
2. You know at least 3 800 numbers to aftermarket off-road business by heart.
3. You are on a first name basis with the guys at every local auto parts store in town.
4. You want to take things apart and rebuild them, even if they are not broken.
5. You have a monetary equivalent of a Mercedes Sedan invested into your jeep, but it still looks like crap.
6. You consider starting a vehicle five times in any given minute routine.
7. You own a vehicle, which now weighs 1000 pounds more than when it came off the showroom floor.
8. You look for jeeps in everything, and try to figure out the year and model.
9. You are the type of person who immediately goes postal if you sit in a highway traffic jam more than 5 minutes, yet you can spend six hours driving one and half miles and consider it to be a form of relaxation.
10. You'll stop and look at any old rust heap thinking parts vehicle.
11. Your Jeep has more (farm/boat/military/other) equipment on it than OEM parts.
12. The weatherman says "Stay in, it's dangerous" and you think "Time to go wheeling".
13. You are happy that you can't use 1st gear on the street.
14. A military convoy passes by and you only look at the axles, tires, and antennas.
15. You have enough straps, chains, rope, etc. in your Jeep to keep the Queen Mary docked during a hurricane.
16. You understand that JEEP is a way of life, not just for transportation.
17. You use a hose to clean the inside and the outside.
18. A low-rider Jeep pulls up next to you, and you get out and ***** slap the driver.
19. You have a high-water mark on the Inside of the Jeep.
20. You use a ice scraper on the Inside of the windshield.
21. The AAA guy breaks down, you stop and fix his problem and get back on the road.
22. You'll drive 2 days at 600 miles a day so you can spend 2 more days driving 3 miles per day.
23. You have more pictures of your Jeep than of your kids.
24. You spend more time deciding which $3.00 bushing to use than you do on personal hygiene.
25. You take your date home early on a Saturday night so you can work on your Jeep.
26. You call a scratch or dent, a beauty mark.
27. You roll it over and don't get upset.
28. You puke when you see a RAV-4.
29. You pull into the Unplowed parking spots on snowy days.
30. You take your friends wheeling and they say, "Trail?; I don't see any trail!"
31. You've been forced to add CJ, YJ, and TJ to your spell checker.
32. It rains and you don't care if your top and doors are on or off.
33. You change your plugs in the parking lot at work while on break.
34. You get more heat through the holes in the floor than you do through the heat vent.
35. Every page of your repair manual has greasy finger prints on it.
36. Every car wash in town has banned you for life.
37. You feel sorry for someone in a $60,000 Toyota Land Cruiser.
38. You are the only one on the street that doesn't plow their driveway.
39. You carry along enough tools to supply a small garage.
40. You nickname your Jeep after i.e.. the noise it makes, the last screw up on the trail, etc.
41. You can air up your tires without stopping at a gas station.
42. You carry more extra fuel than what most of today's cars hold in their gas tanks.
43. You're constantly getting passed on the highway.
44. When rendezvousing with a lady for the first time, you tell her that you're the one that smells like a Jeep.
45. Winter comes and you can't remember where you put the top.
46. Your wallet is always empty.
47. You know how to reinforce the windshield frame near the wiper arm.
48. You carry along a replacement part for every driveline component on the Jeep.
49. You slam your door and pieces of mud or rust fall from your Jeep.
50. You have to let the air out of your tires to get the Jeep into a garage.
51. Your parts department is on blocks behind your house.
52. Passengers scream "Don't Roll It!" when you take them wheeling.
53. Your wife/girlfriend refuses to get in it.
54. You think any tire that isn't waist high looks like a bagel.
55. You can't take a girl in a dress on a date without carrying along some steps.
56. You can't sneak into church late because the engine is too loud.
57. You get custom pin striping from trail brush.
58. You are outlawed at every car wash in town.
59. You can see OVER a Suburban
60. You're sitting here reading this while your wife/husband is waiting for you in bed.
61. You fondly remember bleeding in or on your Jeep.
62. You follow Doc Brown's advice in that where we are going, we don't need roads.
63. Instead of sign to mark your parking spot at work, there are piles if dried mud that fell off your Jerp marking your spot.
64. You regularly have dirt and mud on your pants legs due to climbing in and out of your Jeep.
65. You know more about the environment than Prius owners do.
66. While driving past construction sites you see the dirt piles and think, "I wanna wheel that!"
67. You park in the supermarket lot and by the time you've walked past 5 spots you've had 3 compliments on your cool old Jeep.
68. You quite happily drive a vehicle that could only be described as a cold blooded, self centered, egotistical B***H at the best of times.
69. You've called your pride and joy every derogatory cuss word ever created. In 5 languages.
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