What would you do?

Xodius · **Posted:** Sun Feb 12, 2012 12:27 am

My wife is a councilor and brought home some materials the other day from a class she took. One of the questions/scenarios I thought was interesting. Apparently not to her as it ended up being a little heated when we talked about it. I kept reminding her that it was a scenario in her book and not a reason to be mad, lol. Here it goes...

A married couple comes to you to discuss personal issues. The husbands family (his mother and father) is loosing their home due to finances that were not of their control.
They ask their son and his wife to purchase a home for them and they would make payments. Both sides have good credit at this time. However once the home is foreclosed they would not.
Son sees nothing wrong with it. He knows their financial history and they are family.
Wife says no because of foreclosure and because of beliefs.
Discuss.
Lol that is we're I screwed up and said my two cents, lol. What say you and why.

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Xodius · **Posted:** Sun Feb 12, 2012 12:31 am

The scenario also says further down that after discussing it the wife says that the husband can make the purchase but that means they will divorce.

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BugginKJ · **Joined:** Mon Jul 06, 2009 7:35 pm **Posts:** 4576

I just asked my wife the question, she has the same answer as me. It's your parents, take care of them. I also threw in either parents, same out come, take care of them.
Why? They gave us life, raised us, love us, and it's our job to take care of our parents.

Xodius · **Posted:** Sun Feb 12, 2012 1:56 am

BugginKJ wrote:

I just asked my wife the question, she has the same answer as me. It's your parents, take care of them. I also threw in either parents, same out come, take care of them.
Why? They gave us life, raised us, love us, and it's our job to take care of our parents.

That was my answer, I am originally from the Midwest. My wife's answer was, they are adults and they can take care of themselves. Then again her and her family also believe in homes for their parents. They do not believe in taking care of one another. The answer is always, well, people have retirement to live on and if they did not plan then that is not my problem. As for staying with us, no one does as there are things called hotels.

She is born and raised here in Vegas though and I have learned that...that response or mindset is pretty much par for everyone out here.

I found that a bit disturbing. The hotels, I can understand but...family is family and we all need to take care of each other. IMO.

tjkj2002 · **Posted:** Sun Feb 12, 2012 2:14 am

1st money and family just never mix.Why I live in CO and my family in SD.Wait till there dead and then worry about the $$$.No worries here as everything has been in my name since I was 3 weeks old anyways so it's all techincally mine to begin with.

Xodius · **Posted:** Sun Feb 12, 2012 2:24 am

Oddly enough her family all lives here and are SUPER close in the sense that they will do anything for each other. LOL. Hell they will even charge each other for help...yeap. If one helps another move they give each other bills and expect payment.

She said to me that if I were in those shoes and I said I was going to buy the house for them that she would have to do what is right for her and her financial future which would be, divorce also. LOL. I just laughed and said good thing all my stuff is in my name and yours in yours. She said yeap an it will always be that way because only she is dependable. LMAO. Yeah...I feel the love tonight. I blame her recent surgery and head cold...perhaps it is messing with her. Surgery was on her sinuses so maybe they took some grey matter from her.

BugginKJ · **Joined:** Mon Jul 06, 2009 7:35 pm **Posts:** 4576

Yep money and family is like oil and water.
My Father passsed away many years ago but even if he was still around today, I would take care of him just like I will/would my Mother. If it weren't for my parents I wouldn't be here so it is my duty to take care of them in need. The rest of my "family" can take care of himself :ROTFL:

Not only that, what sort of example would I be setting for my kids when it comes to taking care of parents? I sure hope that when I get to be much older and may need some sort of help from them, if I ever do, they don't turn a cold shoulder to me. However I know that wont happen, I have brain washed them into taking care of me in which the matter I have become accustomed to :jester:

tommudd · **Posted:** Sun Feb 12, 2012 9:30 am

I was brought up that you take care of or help take care of your parents no discussion it's just the right thing to do. My wife of course feels the same way due to her upbringing in east Africa, elders are taken care of, they respect the elders. Her grandmother died in her own home at 102, the oldest son has a home next door and thats the way it is, it was his job mainly ( plus the others) to take care of her while she was on this earth.
NOW my sister would throw my Mother or Step Father in the old age home due to the fact she thinks she has no time for taking care of anyone and it would or could cost her some money. Funny thing is now her husband, who she married last year, is paying for his Mothers home, does all the upkeep, my sister takes her food etc. But that is because her Husband says we have to do this, its the right thing to do.
I do know families that charge each other for anything they do for each other, I think its funnier than all H!

Xodius · **Posted:** Sun Feb 12, 2012 12:22 pm

Well I slept like crap thinking about this all night. I think I had about 2 hours maybe downstairs. I was awakened by my little dog. *shakes fist* darn peacock imitator.
Makes me wonder if I have to rethink things. I can't turn my back on family and I already have to tell my mother she can't stay with me when she visits because it bothers my wife and she can not relax with someone else in the house.

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bugnout · **Posted:** Mon Feb 13, 2012 10:51 am

I agree, family comes first, I would help out my family in all cases.

What hasn't been said is that the person doing the helping gets to decide how best to help. Its your money /credit. In my experience, what my family wants me to do for them, often isn't always the best thing for me or them. Got to consider the alternatives.

May not make sense to buy a house in todays market where there is still room for prices to drop. Maybe renting makes more sense than buying them a house.

JL Rockies · **Posted:** Mon Feb 13, 2012 10:55 am

It's completely unfair for the parents to ask... completely. It's amazing that the son turned out OK.

JL Rockies · **Posted:** Mon Feb 13, 2012 10:57 am

Xodius wrote:

Well I slept like crap thinking about this all night. I think I had about 2 hours maybe downstairs. I was awakened by my little dog. *shakes fist* darn peacock imitator.
Makes me wonder if I have to rethink things. I can't turn my back on family and I already have to tell my mother she can't stay with me when she visits because it bothers my wife and she can not relax with someone else in the house.

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That is completely unfair of you wife... you mom can't even visit? You've chose poorly.

bugnout · **Posted:** Mon Feb 13, 2012 11:35 am

For me, I am first "Husband and Father" then "Brother and Son". I will help out my family and my wifes family as long as doing so doesn't violate my loyalty to my wife and kids.

I've watched as my brothers and sister get divorces because family (one side or the other) got between them. I think choosing old family over new is a mistake. Of course that belief has to be a shared conviction between partners.

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