Well, it's fixed. Sort of. I was putting everything back together with the plan to drop it off at the shop in the morning. As I did, I kinda wiggled all the connections a bit, reached under the relay box and did the same thing. Put the wheels back on and dropped it back on the ground. I did look under the dash at the brake switch while I had it all apart and it seemed to operate the 3rd light fine but the sides were still lit up as soon as you turn on the key.
Anyway, as I stated, I was putting it back together with the intent of sucking it up and taking it in. After I buttoned everything up, I thought I'd give it one more go. Sure enough, turn of the key revealed the brake lights finally off and functioning as they should. The only light on the dash was the CEL which I should have asked Autozone to reset, I never thought to ask while I was there. I took it for a drive and it's fine now. Even my cruise is working again.
Now to get that CEL reset and an alignment.
I wish I still had my XJ.

darn you Jeep for seducing me with a Skyslider and good looks!!

EDIT: This is quite a learning experience to find out what all can cause these warning lights to illuminate. And for the sake of the thread, I never once got an ABS light.
EDIT 2: I forgot to mention that I pulled the battery & relay box on Sunday to check & reconnect everything when all this started. Obviously I still had the problem after doing so.