Air pollution

It is a little known but horrible fact that out of state vehicles are
polluting Moab's clean air at an alarming rate. No, we don't mean from their
exhaust, even though that is a also problem that does cause concern. It is
much less obvious and far more insidious than that.

The real pollution comes from tires. Yes, tires. It seems the off-road
enthusiasts that visit our area to do what they call "four wheeling" are
letting the air out of their tires. Now these tires have been filled with
air that has many impurities in it besides oxygen. Yes, the stuff that makes
up "smog". Can you imagine what kind of toxins fill the tires of vehicles
from areas like Southern California, which have very polluted air? Over the
period of one month, with Easter Week falling in the middle, there were over
5,000 vehicles from out of state in the Moab area. We have no doubts that
each one of these vehicle did what we understand is called "airing down", to
provide better traction. If you consider that each tire contains about 2
cubic feet of air, and multiply that times 4 tires, it's 8 cubic feet of air
per vehicle. That doesn't seem so bad, until you realize that 5000 vehicles
are releasing 8 cubic feet each. That works out to be an astonishing 40,000
cubic feet of "air" (actual air mixed with nitrogen oxides, tropospheric
ozone, volatile organic compounds and peroxyacyl nitrates) that is put into
Moab's environment! Now not only are these out-of-towners polluting Moab's
clean air at an alarming rate, they are "airing up" (refilling) their tires
before they head home. Where does this new air come from? Yes, you got it,
good clean Moab air - because, by the time they leave, the noxious fumes
that they released when they got there have probably largely dissipated.
Just when our air is about to return to normal, they steal it!
We propose a county wide ordinance that all "airing down" or "airing up" be
done be done at home. Every off-road vehicle, when it crosses into Grand
County, must be inspected. If the tires are not at 15 psi or less, the
drivers must reduce their air pressure at a Certified Air Station to be
known as a CAS. Each CAS with have a collection tank for the air that comes
out of the tire and it will be stored until it's ready to be used again for
"airing up". This way they can take back their dirty air and the air quality
in Moab will not be compromised. There will be a charge of $1.00 per tire
for each operation. There will be an attendant on hand to collect the money
and to make sure no foul air escapes. They will be given a certification of
compliance when they leave the CAS. They will be subject to "spot checks"
at any time during their stay, to ensure that they have not released any
further pollutants into the environment.
This may seem extreme to some, and admittedly will cause our visitors some
inconvenience, but we, the residents of Moab, deserve pure air. Our plan
will not only reduce pollution, it will generate income for the County as
well, which can be used for a worthy cause. Please join us at the next Grand
County meeting to help us get this important measure voted on as soon as
possible.

Freakin' idiot who wrote that up.

What's next?? Are our farts gonna be regulated too? "Our pure air is now being dirtied by 4x4's flatulence. You'll have to take your butt to a fart collecting station and pay $1.00 to let out your farts. You'll be weighed before and after you leave to make sure you did not fart while on our pristine trials..."