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this was forwarded to me so im not sure of its authentic ism
This was from an actual posting on Craigs List –
To the Guy Who Mugged Me (Downtown, Savannah )
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I was the guy with the Black Burberry jacket that you demanded I take off and give to you. I handed it over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message.
I'd like to apologize.
I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that awesome Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? The shoulder holster is very concealing, wouldn't you say? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head and the hammer is cocked, isn't it?
I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come with all that brown poop pasted in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, Oh, by the way, don't forget to show up for your appointment with your probation officer on the seventeenth of this month. I mailed the wallet with your expired driver's license, a small baggy of cocaine and a folded paper list of dealers' names and phone numbers to your probation officer. She'll be wanting to discuss some things with you!
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. I also called the D.A.'s office and made several threatening and derogatory phone calls – so don't be surprised when they come to talk to you. If case you want to know it was 78 degrees in Tokyo right before Alltel shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that – but good luck in resolving the charges and all the issues associated.
So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for scaring you and making you walk back home smelling like a toddler needing changing.
I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!
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