Just Venting About Life

Diggerfreek · **Posted:** Thu Feb 26, 2009 10:28 pm

I think he is in neutral rolling down a hill

..... Well, now it is time for a road trip to Dr. Mudd's and every thing will be better :twisted:

tommudd · **Posted:** Thu Feb 26, 2009 10:31 pm

Hang in there, its tough but worth the heartache in the long run. Plus better now than 10 years down the road :wink:

mrkake · **Posted:** Fri Feb 27, 2009 3:03 am

Quote:

He doesn't realize that he's stuck in neutral & going nowhere fast.

You pretty much hit the nail on the head. I had a boozer friend about 30 years ago that was toxic to relationships. I don't even know how many hearts the a$$hole broke. I told him in 1980 that if he didn't start getting his stinky poo together and figuring out what to do with his life that he would wake up some day and look around and wonder where all the time went. He contacted me last summer and said that he had been sober for 14 months and he finally got promoted at the bottling plant that he has been working at for nearly 20 years. That's were your ex is headed. If he doesn't realize it now, he may never realize it.

There are plenty of fish in sea. Just move on and stay positive. Good things will happen.

lionseye640 · **Posted:** Mon Mar 02, 2009 12:20 pm

Well, now he's come to the realization that he needs to get his life in order "before he can think of being in a relationship with me". This is a good thing - he's not a bad person, but he's going nowhere fast. What stinks though is that in the few years we were apart, he had a decent job and seemed to be doing well. But after we got back together - his life fell apart again. This just makes me think that I'm somehow a bad influence on him. Which is kind of strange, since I work hard, take care of the important things in life, and then have fun with the time/money left over. I don't know how that's being a bad influence though. I'm confused, and a little hurt that he thinks I have a negative impact on his life.

tommudd · **Posted:** Mon Mar 02, 2009 1:09 pm

yellocoyote wrote:

lionseye640 wrote:

Well, now he's come to the realization that he needs to get his life in order "before he can think of being in a relationship with me". This is a good thing - he's not a bad person, but he's going nowhere fast. What stinks though is that in the few years we were apart, he had a decent job and seemed to be doing well. But after we got back together - his life fell apart again. This just makes me think that I'm somehow a bad influence on him. Which is kind of strange, since I work hard, take care of the important things in life, and then have fun with the time/money left over. I don't know how that's being a bad influence though. I'm confused, and a little hurt that he thinks I have a negative impact on his life.

To me, this says not that you're a bad influence... it says that because you are responsible and doing okay for yourself, he's going to hang on for a free ride. Why should he have to do well if you're already making the sacrifices for him? He thinks you'll carry him. I could be off the mark but that's my first impression.[/quote

X's two, plus some people need others around just to blame things onto, you are not the bad infuence in his life , from the sounds of it you are the only positive thing he has going for him. Maybe he wants you down to his level of thinking and living though

mrkake · **Posted:** Mon Mar 02, 2009 3:28 pm

I agree with Tom and Jayme on this one. The old adage "Misery Love Company" is true. If you provide everything for him and do all the "giving" he has no motivation to contribute. I have been married for 26 years now and if there is one thing that makes it work, its compromise. Sometimes I'm selfish and insist on getting my way and my wife compromises. Sometimes she's selfish and insists on getting her way and I compromise. I feel its my way of showing that I care enough about her to let her get her own way sometimes and she reciprocates. There's obviously a lot more to it than that but I am trying to simplify things here.

I know it hurts and you will be second guessing things for a while. You will get lonely and want to "visit" him or call him but don't do it. You will either get hurt again or wind up back in the same situation that you just got out of. Take comfort in knowing that you are a good, caring person. Someday you will meet a guy that can appreciate that. Don't settle for second best. You deserve better.

lionseye640 · **Posted:** Mon Mar 02, 2009 10:36 pm

I hate him even more now - he dared to say kj's will never offroad well. What a tool!!!!!

Tokyojoe · **Posted:** Mon Mar 02, 2009 10:43 pm

Ask him to join you off-roading in his vehicle, then say, Oops! I'm sorry, you don't have a drivers license or a car. You can ride a bicycle if you know how.

tommudd · **Posted:** Mon Mar 02, 2009 11:09 pm

lionseye640 wrote:

I hate him even more now - he dared to say kj's will never offroad well. What a tool!!!!!

not funny but it is, very common for people to lash out against anything and everything you like or like to do. Next it will be remarks about your friends, relatives, your job, where you live, etc. Anything he can say or do to make you feel bad he is going to try and do it.

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